Empty Cans

I'm not one for resolutions, but I'm trying really hard to break my addiction to D. Coke. It is a horrible problem.

This won't sound like a big accomplishment to most of you, but I'm down to 2 a day! I'm happy. I have had a bit of extra coffee in the morning, but at least the can has been curtailed. for now. I'm hoping to get to 2 a week my next month. That would be good.

5 days down, more to go....

Car Trip to Auntie JoJo's

La Dolce Vita

Things have been good.
days filled with new paint colors on the walls
suprise visits from in-laws
new sparkly drum sets
and new recipes tried

This is one of my new favorite photos. Sadly it is not one of mine, but can still stare at is longingly. Did I ever mention that vintage linens are one of my favorite things. I have to get over my fear of actually using them though. Alas, it is a disease I picked up from my mother!

Murray Schwartz

I love him because he's head is just a little to big for his body.

Childhood Memories

Mr. Softee

or

??

I've Got the Catalytic Converter Blues

I'm going to get Dave-o-licious to write me a song 'cause I gots the blues. the Catalytic Converter Blues.

Lets just recap the situation.

• Three years ago my little red bundle of joy got smashed to smithereens on a cold wet snowy night.
• This was followed by my current ownership of my piece of shit 2003 Saturn.
• I hate this car
• I have always hated this car. I signed the paperwork knowing I hated this car. Lesson learned.
  
• It started smelling like shit the week after I bought it
• We got rid of the smell, but still. HELLO!!!!!!!!!
• Fast foward to 2007:
• one tire blow out on the freeway: tow, tire replacement = $200
  
• oil change= $50
• car won't go faster than 45 miles per hour, what can it be?
• Lanhart Auto visit
• apparently I was working the car to hard in an attempt to make it go past 46 miles an hour =$300 sensor replacement
• front rotars shot =$299
• car still won't go past 45 miles per hour
• Kennedy Transmission visit
• Enterprise Rental = $39.99 per day
  
• test drive, computer thingy test $60
• "we have good news and we have bad news" Does anyone really want to hear these words? NOT I!
• Apparently I have a Catalytic Converter problem. I also just missed the fucking Saturn warrenty =$1250
• Total 2007 car expense. Someone give me a fucking drum roll
  

$2,198

Miss Jackson to you

Granted, this photo was taken while in motion, but should I worry that I look like Michael Jackson in it? We even appear to have the same hair don't. Jesus.

HOLY SHIT! We just bought a house!

Is it bad that we just realized that all the floors slope?

Carcinoma

Squamous Cell Carcinoma

Squamous cell carcinoma (SCC) is the second most common form of skin cancer, with over 200,000 new cases per year estimated in the United States. Squamous cells are cells that compose most of the epidermis. An abnormal growth of these cells is known as a squamous cell carcinoma.

Most SCCs are not serious. When identified early and treated promptly, the future is bright. However, if overlooked, they are harder to treat and can cause disfigurement. While 96 to 97 percent of SCCs are localized, the small percentage of remaining cases can spread to other parts of the body, and the results are often fatal.

Nice. Real Nice.

One more thing to deal with.

Sad to see ya go

2006.

I'm sad to see it go. I have to admit, I was trying to think of something in my usual Cranky Grandma style, but I can't do it. I can't think of anything bad that happened this year. Sure, there were a couple of plates chipped and few new gray hairs, but I have to say it was a truly great year.

It all started New Years Eve 2005. A few lies sprinkled around, "oh, you know we have a couple of NYE parties to go to" when secretly all we did was stay home on the futon. Alone. With spooky movies we were to spooked to watch. A great dinner cooked by Dave-0-vicious himself and dreaming of what would be.

What would be. Was. Great.

The new Husband.

The new life.

The Wedding. Glitz and Glamour

The trip Up North where we spent the day chasing down Moose tracks and counting the dancing deer.

Our fab new apartment that we love, love, love

Decorating

Trying new recipes

Discovering all the new "firsts"

Project Runway Wednesdays turned Top Chef Wednesdays turned just another excuse to eat a lot and be with friends Wednesdays

The Minivan purchase. Say it ain't so!

New friends

The weekend getaways

Driving the folks down to Chicago for a bonafide Midwestern Thanksgiving Extravaganza!

The lazy Sundays just sitting and reading

Our very first Christmas Tree

Watching Him run around the house looking for little treasures

The birthday trip to Chicago. The pimped out hotel!

Watching Jo and Kelly married!

Baby Jack

My best year ever at work

But the very best was just being. Just sitting back and enjoying.

Here's to 2007. Can't wait to see what's to come.

Contents of a 2 Gallon Purse: An Ode to Mme Piggy

Macy's catalog

Target catalog - full of coupons for toys the kids don't want. Or course!

Wallet stolen from Mona

Receipts for things I will never expense

Checkbook, also missing its holder

Pile-O-Bills. Most of which have not been paid since Aug.

4 way past due parking tickets (don't tell Dave-o-licious)

Package of Nice 'n Clean wipes. Have no idea where they came from.

2 packs of gum

1 tampon

lip gloss

Pomegranate aroma therapy roller ball tube thing

cork from really nice bottle of wine from Pierres

more coupons I have slipped and never used

uber soft Gap gloves

eye allergy relief eye drops

stack of fancy pants business cards

34 pennies, 5 nickels, 8 dimes NOTE: not even 1 quarter. This accounts for above mentions parketing tickets!

bottle of Alieve

1 fuzzy yellow chick

6 pens

bottle of Aveda Elements

Unopened can of Diet Coke

A List

1. It is Monday morning and all i can think about is the weekend. See. You have off on Saturday (I'm ignoring the 1/2 day) which means that we get to play, play, play.
2. Your loaf is better than my loaf. We can't be good at everything I guess.
3. My favorite days are the ordinary ones. The ones in which we wake up, make eggs and just hang out. I love my life. I love that ordinary days can be the best days. The days I most look foward too.
4. You look pretty cute in dust covered blue jeans.
5. Don't you think our underpants will look better in the drawers than the floor?
6. Da Bears.
7. Da Vikings
8. Here's to movies with no endings
9. Thanks for waking me up every morning
10. We'll always have the soggy hugs.

Aches and Pains

Is it when your left arm or right arm hurts that it means you are having a heart attack?

Mundane, but I'm ok with that.

Tasks for today:

1. book hotel rooms for Thanksgiving extravaganza - CHECK!
2. schedule church thing for Grandma - CHECK!
3. clean desk. - CHECK!
4. make 150 phone calls related to actual work. -CHECK!
5. sell $8000 worth of restaurants ads - STILL WORKING ON THAT!
6. gchat a few times -CHECK!
7. eat lunch - CHECK!
8. eat dinner with the girls- CHECK!
9. clean house - STILL WORKING ON THAT!
10. plan runway dinner- CHECK!

Where is the God Damn Fat Lady?

September sucked.
September has always sucked
Bad things happen in September.
Like, school starting.
Like, bad dreams and flying home early.
Like, people getting sick.
Like, people dying.
Like, letting down the one you love the most.
Like, creating enough drama to fill up the God damn Metropolitan Opera House.
I thought the fat lady had finally sang when we were at the Raw Bar.
I was wrong.

Enter October.
Fucking hell.
We all need an escape.
He keeps saying something about Telamark. I don't even know how to spell it. I'm not exactly sure where it is- Wisconsin, I think.
Sign me up!
All I know is that I'm game.
Game for anything.
Game for another car trip in the mini van. I even bought one of those little U-shaped neck pillows.
Game for a King size bed.
Game for the Jacuzzi.
Game for Nature (God help us all).
Glass of wine anyone?

October will be better.
It better be.
September sucked!

Time flies when you're having fun

Here it is. Almost a year since I started this blog. As you can see it has been nearly a year since I've updated this beast.

What can I say?

Today is the anniversary of my Grandmother's death. I can't believe it has been a year.
Should I feel horrible that it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be? I can't. I cry every now and again. I cried today. But I spent so long trying to hide from how scary it would be that when reality hit me in the face I realized that the worst was in my head.

I'm going to bring some bird seed to spread on her grave tonight. She loved feeding the animals.
I think she'll smile at that.

Ok, I'm going to go cry now. Shit.

A. vs Andrew

Did you know that the state of Minnesota won't grant you a marriage license if the paperwork issued by your church has your middle initial typed out as: A. and not your full name Andrew?

Arggg. Back to St. Mary's to have a chat with Arlene. Then. Back to downtown Mpls. Back to the $8 ramp. Back to the long line at the Service Counter to get a number ticket to Blue Counter. Back to waiting in line at the Blue Counter.

Kill me now

Chains Of Love

Do you think I should find it problematic that the boy keeps referring to me as: the ball and chain, the anchor around my neck, etc?

Well, the noose- oh excuse me- the chain is going to get a little bit tighter today. We are going to brave the lines at ye ole government center to get our marriage license today.Wish him luck!

2 Cent Headache

Did you know that US Postage was going up to 39 cents starting on Monday? Now, 2 cents wouldn't be something I would normally sweat. I regularly throw away the little buggers when the urge to clean my car washes over me. You see. I just sent out 150 wedding invites. Each of which contains an RSVP card which is now 2 cents short. It isn't fair. Not fair at all!

After discovering this bit of information, I hauled my fat ass down to the very counter I bought the stamps from a mere three weeks ago and asked how this could have possible happened and what my options where. It was obvious that the African man staring back at me from the counter- although very nice- had no idea why I was in such a tizzy. Anyway, he quickly pawned my woes onto a co-worker.

This are the conclusions we came to:

1. I'm fucked

2. Some RSVPs will slide through under the "transition" phase of the rate change.

3. Some will be returned to my guests with a note stamped on the envelope that I swear will read, "The bride invited you to her wedding, but was to cheap or stupid to add the 2 cent stamp you will now have to go out of your way to purchase so that you can do her the honor of showing up to her wedding and showering her and her new husband with a gift you don't feel like purchasing and eating the chicken in "package A" she has decided is good enough because she didn't have enough money in her budget to feed you the Grade A sirloin you really deserve!"

4. Some will make it to my front door only to be stopped by my mail carrier, who may or may not decide to drop it off and pay the 2 cents out of his pocket so that he doesn't have to deal with it- yeah right!

5. My mail man will probably not take pity on me and will return it to his hub in which a notice will be sent to me saying that I again have to haul my fat ass down to the post office and pay the 2 cents per envelope to find out who will or will not be at my wedding

6. The nice African post office employee had suggested to his boss that a poster or other form of notice should probably be posted in order to inform people of the rate change, but still doesn't know why the Boss didn't do that. (Mind you, a flyer was still not posted when I went down there this morning).

7. Did I mention that I'm fucked

And before you all think I'm nuts and find it necessary to point out that the chick who sold me the stamps would have had no way to know that they where for a wedding invitation that included an RSVP- you would be WRONG. She did know and found it necessary to chastise me for choosing to stick my chosen "Greta Garbo" stamps on the envelopes rather than the traditional "Love" stamp most decent brides feature proudly on their envelopes. I want to kill her.

8 weeks left to the big day

Help. I need to get out of this grumpy mood I find myself in. I feel overwhelmed and stressed out.

8 weeks left to the big day.

I'm not exaggerating although some of you will think I am. There is a lot left to do. I always thought that if I did find myself in this predicament that my mom would step in, take over and have the entire day planned out in a matter of weeks. All I would have to do is be ready with the blank checks. Not so. In fact, she's been pretty hands off. Not because she doesn't care, but because she knows that I'm stubborn. Pigheaded enough to stay out of the way. Secret is, all I want is my mommy to step in and save the day.

8 weeks left to the big day.

Take yesterday. I've been trying to figure out what to do about the centerpieces for weeks. I thought- I have a brilliant idea! 4 trips to Michael's, 1 to Jo-Ann Fabrics and 1 to Crafters Warehouse later I walked away feeling pretty excited. Add a stop at Sam's Club and a quick visit to IKEA and you could have stuck a fork in me. I was done! But no, I still had to go pick up my mom from work only to find that she bought a rug- which didn't fit into my car because of all the other stops along the way. Finally got home and starting to unpack my loot only to find that the 10lbs bag of sugar I bought had burst open. I now have -and will probably have for a very long time- 5lbs of sugar in my trunk. I'm not exaggerating here folks. FIVE POUNDS! I hate Sam's Club. It isn't like it's SO much cheaper than the grocery store. They can afford to give us fucking paper bags to put our shit in! I was in a foul mood to say the least.

8 weeks left to the big day.

4 Michaels, 1 Jo-Ann Fabrics and 1 Crafters Warehouse later reality struck. I have no fucking idea how to make a wreath. My brilliant idea has dwindled down to a pile of yuck. I'm left with nothing more than a glitter explosion on my bedroom floor.

8 weeks left to the big day.

The boy says not to worry, that I'm trying to hard. No one will look at the centerpieces anyway. What does he know? He's a boy. They better fucking look at the centerpieces after all this!

8 weeks left to the big day.

M&M are coming over tonight. That will be a help. We're going to make all the favor boxes. All 200 of them, if it means that I'm going to strap them to a chair until they're done! The boxes at least will look cute. They only needed 3 previous trips to Michaels- oh yeah, and one to a paper warehouse place.

8 weeks left to the big day.

There you go. Anal, stressed, disappointment all wrapped up in a glitterized bow.