Contents of a 2 Gallon Purse: An Ode to Mme Piggy

Macy's catalog

Target catalog - full of coupons for toys the kids don't want. Or course!

Wallet stolen from Mona

Receipts for things I will never expense

Checkbook, also missing its holder

Pile-O-Bills. Most of which have not been paid since Aug.

4 way past due parking tickets (don't tell Dave-o-licious)

Package of Nice 'n Clean wipes. Have no idea where they came from.

2 packs of gum

1 tampon

lip gloss

Pomegranate aroma therapy roller ball tube thing

cork from really nice bottle of wine from Pierres

more coupons I have slipped and never used

uber soft Gap gloves

eye allergy relief eye drops

stack of fancy pants business cards

34 pennies, 5 nickels, 8 dimes NOTE: not even 1 quarter. This accounts for above mentions parketing tickets!

bottle of Alieve

1 fuzzy yellow chick

6 pens

bottle of Aveda Elements

Unopened can of Diet Coke

A List

1. It is Monday morning and all i can think about is the weekend. See. You have off on Saturday (I'm ignoring the 1/2 day) which means that we get to play, play, play.
2. Your loaf is better than my loaf. We can't be good at everything I guess.
3. My favorite days are the ordinary ones. The ones in which we wake up, make eggs and just hang out. I love my life. I love that ordinary days can be the best days. The days I most look foward too.
4. You look pretty cute in dust covered blue jeans.
5. Don't you think our underpants will look better in the drawers than the floor?
6. Da Bears.
7. Da Vikings
8. Here's to movies with no endings
9. Thanks for waking me up every morning
10. We'll always have the soggy hugs.

Aches and Pains

Is it when your left arm or right arm hurts that it means you are having a heart attack?

Mundane, but I'm ok with that.

Tasks for today:

1. book hotel rooms for Thanksgiving extravaganza - CHECK!
2. schedule church thing for Grandma - CHECK!
3. clean desk. - CHECK!
4. make 150 phone calls related to actual work. -CHECK!
5. sell $8000 worth of restaurants ads - STILL WORKING ON THAT!
6. gchat a few times -CHECK!
7. eat lunch - CHECK!
8. eat dinner with the girls- CHECK!
9. clean house - STILL WORKING ON THAT!
10. plan runway dinner- CHECK!

Where is the God Damn Fat Lady?

September sucked.
September has always sucked
Bad things happen in September.
Like, school starting.
Like, bad dreams and flying home early.
Like, people getting sick.
Like, people dying.
Like, letting down the one you love the most.
Like, creating enough drama to fill up the God damn Metropolitan Opera House.
I thought the fat lady had finally sang when we were at the Raw Bar.
I was wrong.

Enter October.
Fucking hell.
We all need an escape.
He keeps saying something about Telamark. I don't even know how to spell it. I'm not exactly sure where it is- Wisconsin, I think.
Sign me up!
All I know is that I'm game.
Game for anything.
Game for another car trip in the mini van. I even bought one of those little U-shaped neck pillows.
Game for a King size bed.
Game for the Jacuzzi.
Game for Nature (God help us all).
Glass of wine anyone?

October will be better.
It better be.
September sucked!

Time flies when you're having fun

Here it is. Almost a year since I started this blog. As you can see it has been nearly a year since I've updated this beast.

What can I say?

Today is the anniversary of my Grandmother's death. I can't believe it has been a year.
Should I feel horrible that it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be? I can't. I cry every now and again. I cried today. But I spent so long trying to hide from how scary it would be that when reality hit me in the face I realized that the worst was in my head.

I'm going to bring some bird seed to spread on her grave tonight. She loved feeding the animals.
I think she'll smile at that.

Ok, I'm going to go cry now. Shit.

A. vs Andrew

Did you know that the state of Minnesota won't grant you a marriage license if the paperwork issued by your church has your middle initial typed out as: A. and not your full name Andrew?

Arggg. Back to St. Mary's to have a chat with Arlene. Then. Back to downtown Mpls. Back to the $8 ramp. Back to the long line at the Service Counter to get a number ticket to Blue Counter. Back to waiting in line at the Blue Counter.

Kill me now

Chains Of Love

Do you think I should find it problematic that the boy keeps referring to me as: the ball and chain, the anchor around my neck, etc?

Well, the noose- oh excuse me- the chain is going to get a little bit tighter today. We are going to brave the lines at ye ole government center to get our marriage license today.Wish him luck!

2 Cent Headache

Did you know that US Postage was going up to 39 cents starting on Monday? Now, 2 cents wouldn't be something I would normally sweat. I regularly throw away the little buggers when the urge to clean my car washes over me. You see. I just sent out 150 wedding invites. Each of which contains an RSVP card which is now 2 cents short. It isn't fair. Not fair at all!

After discovering this bit of information, I hauled my fat ass down to the very counter I bought the stamps from a mere three weeks ago and asked how this could have possible happened and what my options where. It was obvious that the African man staring back at me from the counter- although very nice- had no idea why I was in such a tizzy. Anyway, he quickly pawned my woes onto a co-worker.

This are the conclusions we came to:

1. I'm fucked

2. Some RSVPs will slide through under the "transition" phase of the rate change.

3. Some will be returned to my guests with a note stamped on the envelope that I swear will read, "The bride invited you to her wedding, but was to cheap or stupid to add the 2 cent stamp you will now have to go out of your way to purchase so that you can do her the honor of showing up to her wedding and showering her and her new husband with a gift you don't feel like purchasing and eating the chicken in "package A" she has decided is good enough because she didn't have enough money in her budget to feed you the Grade A sirloin you really deserve!"

4. Some will make it to my front door only to be stopped by my mail carrier, who may or may not decide to drop it off and pay the 2 cents out of his pocket so that he doesn't have to deal with it- yeah right!

5. My mail man will probably not take pity on me and will return it to his hub in which a notice will be sent to me saying that I again have to haul my fat ass down to the post office and pay the 2 cents per envelope to find out who will or will not be at my wedding

6. The nice African post office employee had suggested to his boss that a poster or other form of notice should probably be posted in order to inform people of the rate change, but still doesn't know why the Boss didn't do that. (Mind you, a flyer was still not posted when I went down there this morning).

7. Did I mention that I'm fucked

And before you all think I'm nuts and find it necessary to point out that the chick who sold me the stamps would have had no way to know that they where for a wedding invitation that included an RSVP- you would be WRONG. She did know and found it necessary to chastise me for choosing to stick my chosen "Greta Garbo" stamps on the envelopes rather than the traditional "Love" stamp most decent brides feature proudly on their envelopes. I want to kill her.